FIRST SOLO EXHIBITION WITH &GALLERY
ASTRAL PANIC
DAY AND NIGHT
GALLERY
SHOW OPENING
RECEPTION
THE WORK
DEMON HEAD
Sculpture made of paper mache, glue, water, and joint compound. Painted with acrylic, fluorescent, and glow-in-the-dark powder
Size: big
The demon head pulls itself up from hell. She is the saint of pulling yourself out of a personal hell, out of those spiraling thoughts, and the slow return back to the surface. This is the first sculpture I have worked on at this scale, it was extremely exhausting and fulfilling to make. I want to create more pieces like this in the future.
DIOXAZINE
Acrylic Painting on Canvas
6ft x 7ft
On March 5th, 2020, my room caught on fire, I turned 27 years old, and the world shut down. It started with an expired extension cable (check your extension cables). First off, the fire damage was bad, but not horrible. My family and dog were safe, and my dad was able to put out the fire before it caused irreparable damage. The fire took most of my painting and sewing art supplies. Since then, I have slowly started to get back into traditional painting, and I wanted to challenge myself with how big I could make something to get over the fear of painting again.
DUET
Acrylic Painting on Canvas
36" x 36"
This is a duet about accepting both masculine and feminine energy. I was raised by more masculine parental figures, and I struggled to understand femininity and where I exist in it. I rejected it for a long time and even hated those parts of myself. I realized later that a lot of those feelings came from certain feminine figures in my life who had betrayed me and the painful way society can treat girls and women, and I didn't want to be that or be treated a certain way. Once I matured and understood more about myself and how ridiculous societal norms can be, I had a better understanding of how important both of these types of energies are and how they are balanced for me.
Strict gender norms and stereotypes are stupid.
DUET
Acrylic Painting on Canvas
36" x 36"
This is a duet about accepting both masculine and feminine energy. I was raised by more masculine parental figures, and I struggled to understand femininity and where I exist in it. I rejected it for a long time and even hated those parts of myself. I realized later that a lot of those feelings came from certain feminine figures in my life who had betrayed me and the painful way society can treat girls and women, and I didn't want to be that or be treated a certain way. Once I matured and understood more about myself and how ridiculous societal norms can be, I had a better understanding of how important both of these types of energies are and how they are balanced for me.
Strict gender norms and stereotypes are stupid.
DUET
Acrylic Painting on Canvas
36" x 36"
This is a duet about accepting both masculine and feminine energy. I was raised by more masculine parental figures, and I struggled to understand femininity and where I exist in it. I rejected it for a long time and even hated those parts of myself. I realized later that a lot of those feelings came from certain feminine figures in my life who had betrayed me and the painful way society can treat girls and women, and I didn't want to be that or be treated a certain way. Once I matured and understood more about myself and how ridiculous societal norms can be, I had a better understanding of how important both of these types of energies are and how they are balanced for me.
Strict gender norms and stereotypes are stupid.
DUET
Acrylic Painting on Canvas
36" x 36"
This is a duet about accepting both masculine and feminine energy. I was raised by more masculine parental figures, and I struggled to understand femininity and where I exist in it. I rejected it for a long time and even hated those parts of myself. I realized later that a lot of those feelings came from certain feminine figures in my life who had betrayed me and the painful way society can treat girls and women, and I didn't want to be that or be treated a certain way. Once I matured and understood more about myself and how ridiculous societal norms can be, I had a better understanding of how important both of these types of energies are and how they are balanced for me.
Strict gender norms and stereotypes are stupid.
PANIC INTERNAL
Ink Drawing on Bristol Paper
12" x 15"
Art has helped me deal with panic and anxiety attacks before I even had a word for them. I had my first panic attack when I was very young. As I got older, they started to happen more frequently. I looked up my symptoms on WebMD and thought I was dying, but then I found the page on anxiety and had a better idea of what was happening to me. It is much better now and does not happen nearly as often anymore now that I know what can trigger them and new methods to get over them faster.
PANIC EXTERNAL
Ink Drawing on Bristol Paper
12" x 15"
One of the ways that I describe panic attacks is a feeling like my heart is expanding outside of my body. Getting over a panic attack is like trying to slowly pull all the veins back into your body. It feels like you just ran a marathon, and your body is shaking and frozen in place. Panic attacks can be short or last for hours. Some of the strangest ones happen when they are in front of other people, but no one knows what is happening to you.
SKELETON SHRINE
Ink Drawing on Bristol Paper
11" x 17"
I think about death a lot now that I’m 30 years old. I used to think about it before, but now it's a bit different. I was thinking about death and how I have been trying to work on enjoying living in the moment and going outside to hike more to look at the beauty in all the little plants. Trying to enjoy my time as much as possible.
Inspired by two songs:
- “Fireshrine“ Purity Ring
- “Stripped” Depeche Mode
SAINT OF CUTTING TIES
Digital art printed on luster paper
16" x 20"
Cutting ties with a person or experiencing destructive emotions is one of the most difficult choices to make and follow through with. This saintly character is surrounded by threads connected to people in their lives. Their hands are placed in different positions on each thread. Some threads are much harder to cut than others, and sometimes it is quite easy. Also, lightly influenced by the Fates of Greek Mythology.
SAINT OF RESILIENCE
Digital art printed on matte paper
16" x 20"
This saint is inspired by the feeling of being emotionally stabbed over and over again and the expectation to be normal and get over it. The hands of the saint are slowly starting to pull out each blade, pulling out the thorns one by one.
I don't consider myself religious, but I grew up in a Mexican Catholic household and do enjoy some religious art.
THINKING ROBOT NO. 2
Digital art printed on matte paper
16" x 20"
Sometimes I express my feelings like a robot. Acquaintances, friends, and past romances have called me a robot. I think it's because I am not always good at expressing my feelings, and they can seem more robotic than emotional. The thinking robot is mechanical but has lots of thoughts and feelings, they just don't wear them on their sleeves.
SHOW STATEMENT
The centerpiece for my first solo show, Astral Panic!, is a giant monster using one hand to reach up and the other to push down and pull itself out of hell. When I talk about the rough times in my life, I often call it digging myself into a hole. Panic attacks can feel like all the walls are closing into tunnel vision. You can forget to breathe, or you can rapidly start breathing too fast. I managed to pull myself out, and I don't ever want to go back.
Art has helped me understand and deal with emotions and panic attacks. The characters in these pieces are manifestations of emotions, introspection, relationships, and anxiety. I am opening up more about my deeper thoughts when creating art and hoping that others who have felt similarly will know they are not alone. Although not all my art is about my past, I cannot ignore where the panic attacks started. I keep going back to themes around catharsis and surrealism.
When I look back at why I started drawing, it always leads to introspection and the desire to connect with others through stories. I am not particularly good at opening up, expressing my emotions, or even writing about them. But I have been told that I am an entertaining storyteller. Sometimes, these emotions are simple, such as the enjoyment of experiencing something beautiful. Other times, they lead back to the painful thorn left by years of not understanding traumatic experiences. Even using the word "trauma" is difficult for me to write. But expressing it through art has helped me understand and deal with these experiences. It does get easier with time and also a lot harder, but it's worth it to keep growing and moving forward.
I experienced trauma at a very young age from one of the two people who had been supposed to care for you since birth. I don't think about that person as much anymore, but I realized how that affects my anxiety, which leads to panic attacks, and how I sometimes struggle to connect with others.
Talking about the meaning behind my art has never been easy for me. I like the idea of others having their own interpretation and finding their own meaning without me saying which one's right or wrong. The descriptions I give are meant to guide you into my headspace when I was creating the piece. If you find a different meaning or emotion in my explanation, go for it. When you view my work, I hope it brings you enjoyment or introspection. Maybe you can even see painful things in a new form or find beauty in the hyper-saturated colors, pretty wavy hair, and monsters.
Honorable Mentions
Thank you to the lovely and supportive friends and family who helped me set up, donated Trader Joe's bags, primed, sawed, sewed, PVC pipe, and moved the sculptures. I was going to list off the names here, but a few might be embarrassed by it, so I will thank you again in person.
Cynthia is one of a few people who have honestly helped me grow as an artist. I don't know where her drive and motivation come from to build this community, but I am so grateful to be a part of it.